This post is going to fall short of a pattern. I’m writing today because there’s a lot on my mind and I need to put something in writing so I know where I stand. Short of a week ago some mentally disturbed person took the lives of innocent children and teachers at an elementary school in Connecticut. This sad, sad, event has hit everyone in America (and the world) pretty hard. In the midst of joyful parents shopping late hours and long lines to put bright smiles on their children’s faces on Christmas morning, all plans for a joyous holiday season came to a screeching halt. I can not enjoy this holiday season knowing that these angels lost their precious, innocent lives and that their friends and family will never enjoy a holiday season again. This morning in my yoga class we were asked to reflect on something or someone we might want to dedicate our thoughts to today. These smiling children rushed into my brain, painting pictures of playground activities on a sunny, fall day. Probably a day much like one they enjoyed outside during recess just a bit earlier this year. As I lay in pose and dream of these kids on a beautiful day basking in the sun, I felt the sun brush my face and send warmth down to my toes and throughout my body. After the sun blessed me again and again I started to feel a sense of happiness come over me even in the midst of reflection. I took this as a sign of these children assuring me that they are playing in the sun today and that they are together and they are somewhere better, safer, waiting to be reunited with their moms and dads and brothers and sisters. 

During the holidays we tell tales of angels and the heavens and joy in the world and peace on earth. This Christmas, more than any in my life, I am sure that those little angels got their wings, there is a better place that we will leave this earth and go to when we perish, we should never take joy in our lives for granted and we should certainly reflect on our happiness and thankfulness, especially at the holidays, and peace on earth…well, peace on earth is something that has unfortunately been tainted in todays world, but we should let these angels teach us that it is more important than the time we have taken to insure it, and we should be able to promise our children peace and safety on earth. This holiday, I will pray for peace on earth and peace in the heavens in memory of the little angels we lost. 

The past couple of days have been a little scary to say the least. I had a severe allergic reaction to some unknown food that I ate and literally rushed to the ER in time to breathe. My life flashed before my eyes. First thing I thought of was my sister and one of my best friends that I’m not really talking to right now. It made me realize how precious life is and that everyone should accept each other how they are with arms wide open. Getting a little sentimental, I know…but I miss the hell out of Rachel. I always remind myself that she’s changed and her and I are in very different places in our lives. But that hurts. She’s let go of the nonchalant, goofy, Idgaf, I’m awkward and I know it attitude that we both embraced and loved about each other. She’s turned in her “cool” badge for some weird side I’ve never seen in her. And believe me, I like my Rachel weird, but this just isn’t her. Anyway, this isn’t about her, this is about me coping with what happened and remembering to always tell those important to you that you love them and are happy to have them in your life. 

On a better note! I got an email screen from the West Coast Page Program and I did pretty well!!! I am a very heartfelt person. I’ve always been passionate, sensitive, and compassionate. I let my feelings pour into my email screen the only legitimate way I knew how. I sold myself as I truly am to NBC and if they are happy to have me I will be so grateful for them choosing me over 7000 applicants!! That’s right. 7,000 a year (give or take). If anything, I proved to myself as I typed away at this email who I truly am and what I am most passionate about. I want to help change the world we live in and be a role model for others who believe in living a life full of positivity, grace, admiration, and poise. I’ve hung NBC’s credo on my board in my room ever since I moved back home to remind myself who I am and who the company I so desperately want to work for is and how we are so alike. They stand for commitment, honesty, professionalism, teamwork, imagination, pride, and shaping the world. I couldn’t ask for a better set of mantras to live my life by. Even if I am not accepted by NBC for employment as a Page or otherwise, I have accepted their motto as my philosophy on life.

So, I’ve been a bit all over the place. Feeling distant, scared, revitalized, confident…I think the more extreme of these feelings aren’t too far apart. Through it all I’ve been determined to better myself and not take a thing for granted. Life helps us learn and grow, through the good times and especially the bad. 

All for now…

It was the quintessential day for a dog walk in the park or sightseeing in the city so naturally I took full reign and did both! Started the day on the right feet this morning after a friendly stroll around Newton Lake with my pup. Everyone was teeming with joy at the first sightings of fall. It put me in a great mood! I decided to head to Philly for the day to revisit the steps of the Philly Art Museum, City Hall, Rittenhouse Square, and everything in between (which is a lot). Armed with my Kaskade playlist, water, chap-stick, and not much else I headed across the bridge to see what was going on in the city. The best part of my day was definitely taking pictures of City Hall from LOVE Park and the Ben Franklin Parkway. I can still feel the sun on my face! Days like today make me appreciate life in ways that most of us tend to forget in our busy day to day routines. I didn’t have much to do but listen to my music, walk the streets of Philadelphia, and admire the perfect sky as the backdrop to every one of my pictures I took today of the buildings and trees in the city. An amazing grilled vegetable salad with couscous and chicken pretty much rounded out the end to my trip. Not to mention, my feel great deed for the day…was really looking forward to saving half of my salad for dinner tonight but saw a homeless girl about my age with a sign that said she was hungry and I couldn’t help but feel like I owed her at least that. Hopefully between the beautiful fall weather and the amazing salad she enjoyed today like I did.

Turn the clocks so we don’t see, happy just to be.

Feeling sluggish, ready for change

The days have been creeping by…it is suddenly September 9 and I have yet to find where the first 8 days of September have gone. 

I have to admit that I have fallen off path (perhaps why I can’t find where these days are hiding from me!) I’ve been working at Blue20 (that’s blue-two-oh, a cutesy play on H2O). I love everyone I work with and really enjoy my days/nights there. The managers are very cool, no one is breathing down your neck and employees seem to know their responsibilities and play fairly (for the most part). That in itself is refreshing. Seems everywhere I go (restaurant business) people are cutting corners and trying to skate out sans side work or shift duties. Everyone is very helpful and pro-team which is unique in this business and I like it! Feels much more professional and God knows that is what I need in my life right now. The job hunt is still on. Like I said, I have been slacking a bit this past week and a half. In every aspect, I hate to admit. I must’ve hit a plateau (hence why I haven’t blogged either!) Here I am though, back at it! My diet has gone to shame, actually, it has gone to SHAME. I feel really pretty crappy and I need to dig myself out of this hole. Tonight I decided to say farewell to the cyclical hell I’ve been creeping into. It goes a little something like this : wake up with full intentions of eating healthy and no intentions of working out or being progressive in the job hunt (AHEM-classic denial of faith in my success at either), diet goes well ‘til about 6 o’clock where I’ve seriously convinced myself that I have a scheduled blood sugar dip and NEED chocolate/bread/cereal/any sugar, then I succumb to eating like I need to gain 5 pounds a week (unfortunately this is not an exaggeration, ask any friend and they will vouch that I can really eat like this), then I feel like total crap about food/my body/my life and I go to bed after about 3 hours of Friends/Will and Grace as a overstuffed, helpless nobody from no-town NJ with not a creative/positive bone in my body. Basically, by 3 a.m. I’ve gorged myself with so much food that my SELF, my core existence, has exceeded its’ vacancy and flees my taxidermic body with every bit of self worth that it had previously bunked up with. If only my mind could’ve hit the high road as well. BUT, since we’re now looking at this as the glass half full scenario (which I’ll make the joke ONE MORE TIME, I’m suer if there was really a glass of anything I would have drank it all and the carton it was poured out of) I am glad that my pity and mind have stayed for just this one more night. 

This night is a critical one. I promise myself that tomorrow I will wake up refreshed with a new state of mind and set out to do one of two things I’ve been thinking about..I’m either signing up for the GRE’s or a hosting/reporting/spokesperson workshop. Ultimately I will do both but since they cost a bit of money one will have to wait a little longer than the other.

Updates tomorrow, the new me promises :) night for now

Current mood: Energetic!

Jumping out of my seat to talk about my day! So, I’m looking for parking on my trip to Haddonfield today and turn the corner and see a blessing in disguise!! NBC10 is parked in my parking spot! Okay, so first thing I do is have a teensy weensy little 5 second freakout in my car…I doubt anyone else does this when they see a local newsvan. So, I get my head on straight and obviously assume they are shooting a story here, RIGHT WHERE I WAS PLANNING TO GO TODAY TO PERUSE THE STREET!!!! So, clearly, I was excited. What’s more, I am better prepared than I had planned (since I hadn’t planned this at all) and find a copy of my resume in my car! AN EXTRA COPY OF MY RESUME. I couldn’t believe it. There is no chance that was in there, but, it was! So, I park and casually walk down the street to ask Marisa Brahney what she was reporting today. :) :) :) She’s a very sweet (and pretty) woman! She tells me the likely story of most news reporters around the nation today-they’re getting feedback on the RNC yesterday. So, resume still in hand, I tell her a little bit about myself (Where I’m from, went to school, be walking around so hopefully I’ll catch you for commentary) andddd walk away. NO! Resume still in my hand, restless ideas-broadcast journalism, NBC10, CNBC INTERNSHIP, CRAMER!?!?!, WE’RE ALIKE, YOU AND I!!!- twirling my head. Quick run to Starbucks to gather my thoughts and sip on an iced tea. So, to spare the boring to you but exciting to me details, I went back up to her (MIGHT have bombarded a bit seeing as she was texting in the closed van and I kind of awkwardly might have stood outside her window) and she opened it up and I said I know this may be a bit unconventional but I just graduated in May from Rutgers and I am pursuing a job in broadcast journalism and I would greatly appreciate if there is anyway you can take my resume and get it into the right hands at NBC10 for hiring. (Yay go me I DID IT!)

So, Marisa said she would do so :) and good luck :) and she asked me a bit about myself and I was well on my way as a new woman with a new outlook on the day and I am SO happy I did that (pats self on back). 

There are not a lot of job opportunities out there and there are more than a lot of qualified and overly willing candidates. I will not stand in a faceless crowd!! You have got to make a name for yourself and do something out of the ordinary. Get people talking about you and shake your can. Someone has got to notice you! Otherwise, unfortunately right now, you get crammed in a folder somewhere, no matter what your credentials unless you have some in with a family member or close friend. 

Now more than ever I need to be creative!! And frankly I am really good at that! 

Aside from my exciting afternoon, I made some easy money at work and had a good night with mama watching the RNC. Condoleezza Rice is an inspiring woman. She gave a patriotic and uplifting speech that I enjoyed very much. It will definitely be a bench marker for Americans on the fence in this election. Mark my (her) words. 

Paul Ryan gave a EH speech. He seemed a bit nervous but that was not what was so EH. He bold faced twisted his words around some unsettling truths about shutting down the GE plants, blaming it on Obama when it really all started under Bush’s administration…I don’t know. I am no expert but I am an American who notices the harsh changes that have taken place in the past decade here and I do not appreciate being scammed out of the truth. Especially since I am so young. At 23 I can honestly say I’ve only been following politics for about 3 or 4 years now. I want to here unbiased factual information. This is what the media and politics should be based off of. ETHICS. Very, very important thing that has fallen to the way side of political and social agendas…

Sad days for our country. I can only HOPE that CHANGE will come. President Obama and Romney promise change if only we have hope. But right now I need both. 

Fall (window) shopping!

I must have been dreaming about the fall because I was craving pumpkin spice coffee before my eyes even peeled themselves open. Lucky for me we had a brand new bag of my favorite pumpkin spice coffee sitting in my kitchen unbeknownst to me! It seems like today is going to be kind to me :) Sitting here figuring out what it is I’m going to do with my precious few hours before work at 4…I made myself some delicious warm apples with honey to accompany my coffee so I’m going to enjoy this for a while…

Today seems like a good day to window shop…fall is coming and I am a fashion freak! Did I mention that? I don’t have much to spend right now as I’m saving BUT I love to window shop and get some good ideas for revamping the things that I do have (DIY are my favorites) and thrifting some of the things I don’t. I surprise myself at the amount of clothes I own that I will pull out of storage and see differently from season to season. I bought a maroon skirt in SoHo last year for $6 that has a semi-sexy slit up the side but is 100% cotton and floor length besides that…hadn’t worn it once! Scrambling for something to wear the other night (sometimes I’ll do this) I go, you know what, tonight I’m gonna put together an outfit for this piece because I haven’t worn it before! Just like that, I put together the cutest casual yet trendy outfit for a night out in Philly with my friends. Maroon skirt, cotton beige tanktop, beautiful necklace my mom got me for my graduation-it’s a sterling silver vase from a designer collection at Tiffany’s B-E-A-UUUTIFUL, a pair of sandals, some great rings and bracelets and a cross body tiny bag. (Writing that out will be totally worth it when I look back in some months and go Oh yeah! that outfit! I’ll definitely wear this one again). 

Now I’m officially ready for fall window shopping. I’m thinking I’ll go to Haddonfield because I can walk around outside and enjoy this beautiful day whilst peeking around some designer AND thrift shops. Bonus bonus and bonus. 

Turn the clocks so we don’t see, happy just to be!

Like a professor the day before a test, I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet because I have not much to say about today…

Worked my first shift at Blue2o today…spent some time relaxing and catching the show Breaking Bad on netflix, had a late dinner with my mom, and ran some quick errands at CVS. Not much to focus on today except, oh wait, here goes the professor trigger when everyones scrambling to get their things together because he’s announced class will only be a few minutes…(pardon my college references but it IS that time of year and I did just graduate…currently suffering post grad depression)

OK so much to talk about the RNC tonight. I am not saying either way who I will vote for or what I believe to be a better platform because that is a secret I will never tell :)

My overall thoughts are just this: politics should be a board game. There is strategizing and teams and lots of paper money being thrown around like Monopoly (no pun intended). Everyone in this game has an ass to kiss, an ally to make, money to gain and spend and gain and spend and spend and spend…I am sadly (truly, sad) starting to believe that there is no hope in picking a great President. We have boiled every race down to the lesser of two evils. Candidates and parties are picked apart by the media and each other each and every day. This has become a civil war! (Why have I not heard this term used before to define rep vs dems? I think it is dead on and accurately depicts what is going on here..lives are being ruined, names are being tarnished, hairs are being risen, tails tucked under and we are making a fool out of each other…our brothers and sisters of our nation! For what? For a President to be picked so that we can complain and say told ya so and wait until the next election to do it all over again?)

President Obama and Mitt Romney are in a race for popularity at this point. Their cliques act like high school cheerleading squads pointing fingers and calling names and patting their captain on the back all the way to the final game. 

Maybe this year we should suggest that President Obama and Romney should meet in the schoolyard at 3:00. Democrats beware, though, Romney’s got Christie on his side, and he’s not scared to step over anyone (Not even Mitt!…that was, bad Christie. You had Oval office eyes that whole time you were behind the podium! Quick flash to Romney, phew, he didn’t notice, he didn’t even blink during the whole damn thing!)

Ah, anyway, I digress…this blog is supposed to be super happy! Today I was relatively happy for as close to nothing that I did…let me rundown my 21 day challenge…

DAY 20!

1. I am grateful I have a job! I am grateful that even though times are tough for my family my mom is still a great cook and whipped up some delicious dinner tonight :) I am grateful that I have the determination to blog and better myself so that one day when someone asks to see some credentials I have a tumblr to turn to! 

2. My positive experience for the day would have to be that I really surprised myself at how well I did at work today even with the lack of business. It was a slow, slowww day at the restaurant but I managed to up sell appetizers and drinks and make better money than I would have otherwise! Hence the reason I bought myself daily vitamins today…Ha! Does not sound like a treat but I have been meaning to start taking vitamins again so this did really turn out to be a treat AND A HALF because now I feel like I’m doing myself some real good!

3. Hmmph…about the exercising…I don’t know. I don’t want to get negative when I’m on my positivity rant so I will just simply state that it is a state of mind for me and I know when I’m into exercise and I know when I’m not and apparently this is not my week but I’m not going to kick my butt about it…I’ll get back on track!

4. Meditation..ok, so here goes tonight…I’m going to try and get to bed earlier tonight (couldn’t sleep til 4 am last night!) and I’ll look up some meditation online for sleep help before bed :)

5. I messaged a long lost friend of mine from Moravian! Angel was on the same floor as me my freshman year and we got along great :) great, great person. I’m glad I reached out because I’d love to see her and catch up and totally forgot she lives in Cherry Hill! 

OK so, in the fashion of professors, I promised you five minutes and gave you about twenty, good grief I do not miss that! Class dismissed :)